"I have no idea where I am going"

Today's blog post is a reflection on the section entitled "Beginner's Mind" from the chapter on Wisdom in Wayne Muller's book "Sabbath".

How often have I uttered the Thomas Merton prayer which begins, "My dear God, I have no idea where I am going...." Often, I assure you. But, that wasn't always the case.

I discovered this prayer in college. It was printed on a little piece of paper, propped up against some books in the chaplain's office. The prayer, eventually, was a revelation to me. But, at first, it was the kind of thing that made me scrunch up my forehead.

What do you mean 'I have NO IDEA where I am going' ???
Whatever....(eye roll)...I know where I am going! I've got plans. I've got dreams. I've got goals. I know where I am going!

Yeah, well...we may think we know where we're going. We may even have a plan to get there. And don't get me wrong: I'm not knocking planning or goal-setting. At the same time, I think Merton got it right. Even though we may think we know where we're headed, we can't ever really know for sure. Merton prayer invites us to ease our grip, surrender to the flow of the Spirit, and trust God, instead of only relying on our selves.

Life's like that -- it throws us curve balls all the time. If we are so set on our way, our plans, and our goals, then when life fails to cooperate, we will cause ourselves undue grief. Our inability to be flexible may make the situation worse than it ever should have been. Giving ourselves over to the guiding grace of God is good Sabbath practice. If we trust, we will find, there was providence before we ever knew there would be need. I have found this to be true -- but it took practice!

Merton's prayer, in its entiretiy is printed below. Print it out, post it somewhere in your house. Pray it when you need to be reminded that you aren't entirely in charge....and that's ok.

Dear God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and
the fact that I think that I am following Your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe this: I believe that the desire
to please You does in fact please You.
I hope I have that desire in everything I do.
I hope I never persist in anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this,
You will lead me by the right road,
though I may know nothing about it at the time.
Therefore I will trust You always,
for though I may be lost, and in the shadow of death,
I will not be afraid, because I know
You will never leave me to face my troubles all alone.
-- Thomas Merton